So yeah... my name is Fredward Benson. That's what my mother named me. Unfortunate. But true. You know what else is unfortunate? How my PearPhone CHANGES my text messages because it THINKS I misspelled words (but actually I didn't)! Here are some of the worst changes:
Message I Wanted to Send to Sam: "I loathe you!"
Message My PearPhone ACTUALLY Sent: "I love you."
Aftermath: Sam responded back: "I hate you with every inch of my being. Lose my number, jerk-face."
Message I wanted to Send to My Mom: "Picked up present, put in mail."
Message My PearPhone ACTUALLY Sent: "Picked up pheasant, put in jail."
Aftermath: My mom went looking for me at the county jail with her pheasant flu shot kit . She ended up getting arrested instead. Apparently you CAN'T bring syringes into jails! I had to stay with Spencer and Carly until they released her.
Message I Wanted to Send to Carly: Bought you a purple shirt at mall -- reminded me of you!
Message My PearPhone ACTUALLY Sent: Bought you a pimple shirt at mall -- reminded me of you!
Aftermath: Carly freaked out and washed her face 12 times in a row. She began to peel. It was kinda gross. Oh, girls...
And the last PearPhone mishap I had was actually MY fault! I accidentally texted the WRONG person. See, there's this really cute girl in my history class and I thought I was giving her a compliment by saying, "There's something about your face that I can't stop staring at." BUT I accidentally sent this message to LEWBERT! Well, Lewbert was sooooo offended (because he thought I was talking about his hideous wart) he changed the locks to my apartment.
Okay, that's it. Bye.