My Letter to Cupid

Dear Cupid,

I've been seeing this girl off and on for a couple of months now and I thought Valentine's Day would be the PERFECT time to make our relationship official. Ya know, boyfriend-girlfriend. So, imagine my surprise when I was alerted today that she changed her SplashFace status to "in a relationship." I totally clicked on her new guy's page and found out that the dude she's "in a relationship" with is one of those street performers who paint themselves gold and dance like a robot for money! I actually think I KNOW this guy. He "works" across the street from the Groovy Smoothie.

Anyway, the reason I'm so mad about this whole situation is because last week I went online and bought 2,000 tiny little heart candies with my face on the front and "BE MINE" written on the back! See:


 
I was going to give them to her on Valentine's Day, but that was before I found out about Robo-Boy. As Cupid, I feel you know all about this love stuff and should have warned me BEFORE I bought the candy. So, I'm wondering if you would please refund my $552.00 because I do not feel comfortable eating candy with my own face on it. I tried to give them away, but no one else wanted to eat my face either. And, if you don't feel like giving me my money back, I'd just like to remind you that your name rhymes with "STUPID."

Sincerely Yours,
Spencer Shay

PS: Are you in the same union as Santa and Rudolph? They never answer my letters. Can you pass them along the next time you guys all meet up?