Worst Fortunes Ever!

Sam here. The 1/2 of iCarly who has NEVER eaten a squirrel! (Okay, fine, Carly hasn't eaten a squirrel either. But I made you think she did, didn't I?!?)

Speaking of eating, I've been chomping on lots of fortune cookies lately. Why, you ask?!? BECAUSE I'm trying to find a good one -- you know one that says you'll be all successful, and rich, and famous, and happy, and be blessed with endless supplies of BBQ ribs. But LATELY, I've ONLY gotten ones like these! Totally SUCKISH!

Fortune Cookie Messages I've Gotten Today (I eat a lot of Chinese food!):

• An unexpected event will soon bring you poverty and unhappiness.
• You should NOT have eaten the chicken.
• Help me! I'm trapped in a fortune cookie warehouse.
• Secrets await you at the city dump.
• Your hard work will probably never pay off.
• I know what you did last Thursday. NOT COOL.
• You will fall in love with a total nerd.

And, the worst one of all:
Sorry. :( You have no fortune.

Oh, I give up!
Late, Sam.