Happy Father's Day, Mom!

Yo, Sam here. Blogging it up once again.

So May came and went and I totally forgot to do anything for Mother's Day. Normally, I wouldn't care, but I'm trying to be a good daughter lately. So to make it up to the old lady, I'm gonna give her the best Father's Day ever! I just got back from the big Daddy's Day Sale at Wanko's Warehouse and got a ton of stuff. I can't wait to show Pam (AKA my mom) all of her gifts! Here's what I got:  

A Bottle of Cologne

See, girls always buy fruity perfume to attract a guy, when what they should be using is some manly cologne. Dudes obviously like the way it smells. That's why they wear it themselves. This year my mom's gonna reek of manliness.

A Lawnmower

If my mom's gonna be in a bikini hanging out in our front yard all day anyway, let's give her something to do. She can use this puppy to get attention from passing delivery guys. And, maybe pushing that hunk of metal will tone her sagging buttocks. 

A Man's Shirt

I found the perfect XXL man's shirt. This will be great. She'll love it. Now, she can eat whatever she wants and not have to worry about her gut sticking out! Or wear it those times when she's feeling all bloated.  

A Nice Clean Shave

There was a deal on Tap It for 50% off a professional shave at a barber shop. I figured my mom could use it. She's getting a little hairy around her chin -- and some of those suckers are pretty long.

Wow, I am a good daughter. Would any other kid do something like this for their mom? I don't think so.